Outline
Topic : Reasons people go to foreign language highschool
Topic sentence : These days, middle school students and their parents study hard and spend lots of money to get in to foreign language high schools.
Supporting points
1. School systems are better than other normal high schools.
2. An atmosphere conducive to academic pursuit is better.
These days, middle school students and their parents study hard and spend lots of money to get in to foreign language high schools. Some prepare for foreign language highschool from elementary school. Why do these people devote their school life for high school? What kind of benefits do they get?
First, foreign language high schools have better systems than normal highschool. They habe sent their students to good universities, which means they have lots of data and experience. They care their students each and make good curriculums for students. Also, club activities are vitalized. Students can experience lots of things. It enlarges their experience.
Next, another reason for preferring foreign language high school is because an atmosphere conducive to academic pursuit is better. Students who are in there, their main goal is going to good universities. They have some sympathy which makes a synergy to achieve their goal. For example, there will be less students who makes noise, sleep and does not concentrate.
In conclusion, two reasons for going foreign language high school tells us that it's for their university. Better systems, good atmosphere for their study leads them and helps them to achieve their goals.
MunJinGon
ReplyDeleteMain point is reasons students go to foreign language highschool. What I liked about this paragraph is second supporting points and details. If you correct 'habe', then I think it's a clear paragraph.
Minyoung Jang
ReplyDeleteThe main point of your first draft is reasons students go to foreign language highschool. What I liked about this paragraph was your topic. The topic is original and supporting points are central and fundamental. What struck me most was the nice introduction and conclusion. Generally, I think this paragraph is a well-knit const
ruction.
Shin Sunjoo
ReplyDelete1. What was the main point?
The mian point is the reasons why people choose to go to foreign language highschool.
2. I like this paragraph because it had three clear components.
3. What struck me as powerful was that supporting sentences explain the idea well.
4. What is not clear was the third supporting sentence. Because writer only had two of them.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this paragraph is adding the third paragraph.