Topic:Reasons for enjoying SNS
Topic sentence: Many people enjoy SNS for other reason
Supporting points
1.communication
2.utilizing content
3.make money
In modern digital age, many people enjoy SNS, such as facebook, instagram and twiiter. Why do people enjoy SNS? There are variety of reasons. First, many people enjoy SNS for communicationing other people. This communicationing has various aspects. Most people communicate friends and others because of wondering each other's life. But some people communicate others for excessive self splurge and criticism of specific people. Second, many people enjoy SNS for utilizing variety content. For example, facebook have a variety video, such as exciting highlight of sport and drama. also facebook have a helpful informations , such as life tips and sport tips Finally, people enjoy SNS for earning money.
Have you heard word of SNS star?. Really they make money by using SNS.
Sometimes these things are often a nuisance to society because so-called sns star not hesitate to destructive behavior
As indicated above, There are many reason for enjoying sns
1. I can see your main point is "3 reasons why people enjoy SNS nowadays."
ReplyDelete2. I liked third reason you mentioned because my expectation about your third part's supporting point was advertising matters.
3. As I said at option 2, mentioning about SNS star struck me most. Since those group of people are men of the present day, it's something emerged currently.
4.I liked your third reason but in my opinion, that part was not that clear:) Because I think you just took the example without general explanation about your point. Maybe it could be seen to someone as missing part.
5.If you correct some grammatical errors, your paragraph would be better remarkably. For example; communicationig/ have-has/hesitate to destructive...
What was the main point was 3 reasons why people enjoy SNS nowadays.
ReplyDeleteWhat I liked about this paragraph was that hook up line that you used in the first sentence. What struck me as powerful was first supporting points because i agree with you What is not clear was the sentence in your third point that you indicated sns can have a side effect. i do not think that is matches with the topic overall i liked it. well written
Hi Yunsang! I see that the main point of your paragraph is why people enjoy SNS. What I liked about this paragraph and struck me as powerful was that you pointed out how "SNS star"s make money by using SNS. I had no idea that was a thing. You might have been more specific by suggesting examples of SNS stars, but I think your paragraph was quite clear overall !
ReplyDeleteSue Min Hwang
ReplyDeleteThe main point of this paragraph is the reasons of using SNS. I liked the way you pointed out creative reasons. Also the vocabulary is very diverse and straight forward. Examples should be used in this paragraph and otherwise it is very well written.
The main point was reaons why we use SNS. What I liked about this paragraph was it made me to think about SNS. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this paragraph is if you seperate introduction, body part, conclusion it would be much better.
ReplyDelete