Today, there are numerous advantages of using SNS in our daily life. First of all, SNS helps us meet new people and strengthens ties with people whom we already get used to. As there is no limitation of space and time in SNS, we can upload a video or image of our recent lives on the Facebook or Twitter whenever we want and we can also search for recent states of our friends wherever we go. This eventually makes us get to know more about people and emphasizes relationship with others. Secondly, we can easily gather or share information through various features of SNS. For example, if we press a 'like' button on the page and make a bookmark on it in the Facebook, we can get new information easily by just revisiting the page next time. Last but not least, SNS can be an effective measure for marketing and advertising. We can promote our items on SNS without costing anything by either posting a video or writing an article and advertise them to people around the world. the more people share the items with others, the greater the value of products will become. To sum up, SNS can be beneficial to us in that it gives us opportunity to meet various people, to gain new information and to promote our products to people all over the world.
2016/03/13
Dongwon Kang/First Draft/wednesday 11:00 ~12:50
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Yong-yoon Cho : I think the main point is '3 advantages of using SNS'. What I liked about this paragraph was your third supporting point. The advantage from promoter's view struck me as powerful because I had not realized it, being exposed for long.
ReplyDelete4.What is not clear was your first supporting point because I don't think just searching pictures and videos of friends directly leads to thickening relationships. So I think it would be better if you add intermediate step which connects them. But aside from that, it was written well overall.
HwaHyeon Kim :
ReplyDeleteI think the he main point is 3 merits of SNS use.
What I liked about this paragraph is the idiom 'last but not least' .
The most striking in this paragragh to me is that there's no limitation of space and time and I can get closer with others through SNS. One of my friends is studying abroad but i can talk to her anytime through Facebook Message.
What was not clear was the word 'emphasizes' in first supporting point. I think it would be better if you use the word 'straighten instead.
Good writing!