outline
topic: Causes of stress among university students
topic setence: Many university students get stressed these days. Reasons for stress among university students vary.
supporting points:
1. to do assignment
2. to meet new people
3. to spend much more money than before
First draft
Many university students get stressed theses days. Their reason for getting stressed vary.
First, assignment make them tired mentally. Students may need to do personal assignment or team assignment for each class.Especially, team assignment can make students exhuasted because team may have difficulty in separating the part.Since everyone want to do easier part of assignment, they could be into conflict.
Another reason for getting stressed is to meet new people and live new place. Shy people like me are hard to be friends with new people.In some cases, they can't adapt to campus life and may be the outsider voluntarily or involuntarily.
Finally, spending a lot of money is such a burden for many students. University tuition is much more expensive than high schooland textbook for lecture is not cheep for students. In addition, university student need to spend money for fashion, school event, etc which they don't have to pay attention in high school.
To sum up, stundents get stressed in university life for some reason: assignment, new people, money
Dongwon Kang: the main point was that there is a variety of reasons why university students get stressed.
ReplyDeletewhat I liked about this paragraph was the sentence that starts with 'Finally' because I really agree with it.
what struck me as powerful was the first paragraph. I thought that I could also have trouble doing team assignments in near future
what is not clear was the last sentence in the third paragraph
the one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this paragraph is to supplement the concluding sentence by making it more specific instead of just arranging reasons of the problem.
Yeji Oh : Showing what you want to say is very clear and You separate the paragraph well. but I think it would be better to say reasons instead of reason. great.
ReplyDeleteThe main point was why university students got stressed. What I liked about this paragraph was that as reading this paragraph, I agreed a lot. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this paragraph is your conclusion part. If it was little more longer, it would be better, I think.
ReplyDelete