Outline
Topic: Causes of stress among university students
Topic sentence: A number of university students are being stressed and the reasons for it vary.
Supporting points:
1. Students cannot help caring about their grades all the time.
2. They get in financial difficulties.
3. Uncertainty of future makes them feel stressed.
A number of university students are being stressed and the reasons for it vary.
First of all, university students cannot help caring about their grades all the time. They are obsessed with the idea that they should always focus on them due to a lot of assignments, group work and regular tests. Since students are aware that good grades lead to a better job, they suffer from stress for their grades.
Second, university students get in financial difficulties. Generally, university tuition is so high that it is a big burden for the students. Also, they are in a situation where they should feed and house all by themselves but have no job. So some students work part-time for their spending, but it gives them stress because it is not easy to hold down a part-time job and focus on studying at the same time.
Finally, uncertainty of future makes university students feel stressed. Becoming a university student means they are free to make decisions but have responsibility on that. In other words, they have to make all the plans ranging from what student organization they would join to what would they do for a job after graduation. The students have no idea whether they would succeed as they planned, so they feel worried about their future.
In conclusion, there are various reasons why university students are stressed: they should care about their grades all the time, get in financial difficulties, and worry about uncertain future.
Minsung KIm
ReplyDeleteWhat was the main point? Causes of stress among university students
What I liked about this paragraph was your supporting sentences are nice and strong.
What struck me as powerful was your conclusion sentence.
The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this paragraph is also your conclusion sentence. it is nice and simple but how about using other expressions other than the ones you used before? :)
Minyoung Jang
ReplyDeleteThe main point of your first draft is cause of stress among university students. What I liked about this paragraph was the reason of stress that students feel is so realistic. What struck me most was this sentence : 'Since students are aware that good grades lead to a better job, they suffer from stress for their grades.' I’m so impressed and sad because of cruel(?) reality ㅠㅠ. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this paragraph is your introduction. I think it is more perfect if you add introduction a little bit long.