Outline
Topic: Exclusive benefits of studying abroad
Topic sentence: Students going abroad to study can gain variety of benefits effectively and exclusively, which are not easy just being in Korea.
Supporting points:
1. Studying with its culture
2. Fixed and unavoidable conditions
3. Learning local nuance and fluency
First draft
Students going abroad to study can gain variety of benefits effectively and exclusively, which are not easy just being in Korea.
First, as many linguistic knowledge states, "Language" is a subject interconnected with culture. We can learn and acquire one language fully by understanding and experiencing its culture. And studying language with culture also means we can learn having fun, and this is absolutely important. So if we can take language and culture together by studying abroad, it would be an effective way to acquire a language.
Another benefit is surroundings. Going abroad means everything around you changes. Things like people, conditions, necessities and so much more we would live with. And it means we cannot help being familiar with and practiced in that language. Moreover, an adolescent period is a time when they are very sensitive to friends and is when they could be flexible with any surroundings boundlessly. With fixed and unavoidable conditions, students would use and study necessary language actively and naturally at the same time.
Lastly, thanks to being with native speakers, we can tell some slight differences between expressions, words and phrases. And this grows into knowing the nuance of that language. Of course, the fluency could be acquired easier than studying in Korea, because students use that language not just in class but whole time when they're awaken.
To wrap up, there are 3 remarkable benefits studying abroad: studying with its culture, fixed and unavoidable conditions making us use one language, learning local nuance and fluency.
Yeoroom Lee
ReplyDelete1. the main point of this reading is benefits from learning languages in abroad.
2. What i liked about your third paragraph is good expressions, especially phrase 'cannot help -'. Because i learned it just in texts and i've forgotten how to use it, it's surprising to see the one who use these expression in useful way.
3. the most striking aspect of your reading is confident point of view. Strong, but not crossing the line, your saying is full of confidence and exact view.
4. the only what seems a bit unclear is absence of details to do, 'how'. Although your words tell about positive effects when studying abroad, it needs a concrete way that make that things possible.
5. the one i could change that make fourth paragraph easier to get your point is deleting the sentence 'of course, the fluency ~ they're awaken', because of unity of argument.
Chae Won Kim
ReplyDelete1. your main point is several benefits of studying abroad.
2. i like your 'rap-up part'. because in that part, you highlight your main point, so it came more clearly when i read it.
3. to me, the best part of yours is that you mentioned the correlation between culture and language. i think the correlation is the most important reason for studying abroad.
4. what is not clear was 'studying language with culture also means we can learn having fun'. because i think this is not in general. so you can fix it as 'studying language with culture can be more exciting than studying only language' or somethin. (i mean more flexible expression)
5. you said that we can learn language more effectively when 'adolescent' phase. but you didn't set up the period in the topic sentence, so the word 'adolescent' became an alien word to me. it would make meaningful difference if you'd set it in the first-topic part.
Chae Won Kim
Deletei missed 'w' in 'wrap-up'. Sorry :(